As I enter this month of August, it has been two weeks now, since our dog Mea passed away. Her diagnosis of Lymphoma and downward spiral happened quickly, and yet we had been expecting her decline and death for some time as she was old in age. Due to the lymphoma affecting her throat with swelling and breathing capacity, we also opted to have her compassionately euthanized. I had such a relief when she passed; I saw that Mea wasn’t struggling or suffering anymore. Eliza wrote a song for Mea the night beforehand. You can view the video here. I told her that Mea wasn’t feeling well and asked her if she could play a song for Mea. If you listen closely you will hear the words, “Mea…nice…” and then, “next song…book back.” 

​Mea was 13. We brought her home as a 1 year old, and lived with John and I for 12 years. She was our first ‘baby’ and was very loving and loyal. She loved going on walks and playing with her ‘ring toy’. She had a great sense of humor! She was also happy when we brought a cat into our home, to be her new friend. But she couldn't have been happier anytime we brought children into our home-- our own or anyone's children. <3

​She was a good ‘nanny dog’ to me through both my pregnancies and to both my babies. We know Eleanor and Mea are together and that makes the adjustment a little easier.

​We are slowly getting used to Mea’s absence. Eliza keeps asking, “Where’s Mea?” We showed her Mea’s dead body and where we buried her; and before John covered Mea we put flowers in her grave together and sang to her. Sometimes when Eliza asks me that question, we go and sit by Mea’s ‘rock,’ her gravesite, and sing to her and talk to her. I’ve been doing this for Eliza, but I think it is helping me in my grieving process as well. Eliza seems to be understanding now. And she’ll say, “Mea’s not here… Mea’s my dog. I miss Mea.” Eliza is such a sweet spirited young girl. I’ve also been impressing upon Eliza that Mea’s body stopped working and now her spirit is free. Her level of understanding is very limited, yet to some degree I think she gets it.
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Mea served our family well. Having had a few weeks to grieve the initial shock of her death and absence, I now carry Mea with me in my heart and turn my gaze toward departure for the Women’s Hero’s Journey®.
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I feel that soulful calling, yearning and yes to being in the mountains, and among an open-hearted community of women! And my mama’s heart is already missing that time away from my baby, Eliza. I know my girl will be in good hands and will continue to be surrounded by so much love! I was away from her in March for 3 days and after her initial disappointment in me, she built resiliency, adaptability and flexibility, not to mention strengthening her relationship with her daddy. Overall I feel really good about this trip and opportunity, as I embark on a soul-nourishing journey.
 
In reflecting on life, death and grieving, and to quote Freddie the Leaf’s friend Daniel…”it’s all about the trees and the sun and the moon and the love and the children.” See the full quote below. Written by Leo Buscaglia, PhD, The Fall of Freddie the Leaf: A Story of Life for all All Ages.
 
Freddie the Leaf asked his Leaf-friend Daniel about the seasons of Life and death. Freddie innocently asked, “What has been the reason for this? Why are we all here?”
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“It’s been about the sun and the moon. It’s been about happy times together. It’s been about the shade and the old people and the children. It’s been about colors in the Fall. It’s been about seasons…Isn’t that enough?”
 
I say a whole-hearted Yes! My gratitude for all these things and more is what makes life worth living. Living life to the fullest. That’s what I intend to do, whether with Eliza by my side, or embarking on a new journey.
 
May you find that which fills your cup and nourishes you to the brim. Seek it, or may it seek and find you.
 
And may you then know your fullness and Abundance within. 

​In Love and Peace,     Janet Wepner     
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​As I sit and write today, I feel a type of exhaustion that I never knew before having children of my own. Eliza is a toddler and exploring different variations on her nap – shortening, lengthening, and today skipping it completely.
 
I’ve been struck by how challenging it is for myself (and I imagine others) to be a ‘stay-at-home mom.’ I so want to be with my baby, love and raise her, and yet I feel this soulful tug toward my other work in this world. I do have opportunities to work, including teaching yoga once a week. But I have to say that in either place, at home or at work, neither feels completely satisfying. It’s not quite satisfying, because I either feel a tug toward work, or toward Eliza while I’m at work. I was touched when I had a poignant conversation with my mom recently, and heard her share similar dilemmas for herself when I and my siblings were babies and young children. I’m aware that there is no easy or short solution, but I am also grateful for my friend Sally, who reminded me that the way she moved through these difficult times is through prayer-- asking God for help. 
 
I firmly believe that all mothers just simply want the best for their babies, for their children. Even moms who have lost their way, or who seem to not care. I believe their “higher self” knows, and wants only the best for their children. Even if she isn’t able to express it.

 
I’ve been reading in my inspirational book and I was delighted to find a reference to the study of the Greek mythology. I had never heard of Hestia. Sara Ban Breathnach writes in her book, A Daybook of Comfort and Joy, “Hestia was the goddess of the hearth, guardian of family life and the temple... Hestia was one of the twelve Olympians in classical Greek mythology. But she is the least known of all the deities, and there are no legends about her, even though Zeus bestowed on her the privilege of sitting in the center of their celestial home so that she might receive the best offerings from mortals.” She goes on and quotes, “Hestia is not frazzled, hanging on by a thread. Instead, Hestia is grounded in the midst of outer chaos, disorder, or ordinary, everyday bustle.” Says Jungian analyst and author Jean Shinola Bolen.”

I’ve been loving this reminder as well, and have been re-reading and reflecting on it. It is my intention and desire to be grounded as it was described about Hestia – grounded in ordinary life as well as keeper of the hearth. This is part, or one aspect, of my soul’s calling that I feel I can live into more fully in my attempt to bridge the gap between my mothering and my other soul work. I can feel myself lifting my gaze, opening to something larger than myself and inviting in God in a prayer of receiving grace as I move through each day and the hustle and bustle.
 
I also received an inspirational poem from a dear friend, Kate. It is written by a Native American woman and it speaks so beautifully and eloquently to my mothering heart. 

It is my hope that in reading this blog, you receive some inspiration as well. And if nothing else a knowing and felt sense that you are not alone.
 
            ~ Janet Wepner