A Shift from Deprivation to Nourishment

​As I create spaces and moments in my day for self-reflection, I have recently become aware of a thought pattern, or belief system, that has had significant control over my thinking and behaviors up until now. The recurring thought centers around scarcity, and whatever it is, there’s not enough. This might play out differently for others, but for myself the way this plays out is that I won’t allow myself to have it. For example, with a bunch of bananas sitting on my counter, I will avoid eating a banana…”because then I’ll run out and they’ll be gone.” Unfortunately this leaves all the bananas to eventually go bad.
 
And it doesn’t just show up with food, this thinking pattern shows up with candles too. I’ll set out candles and then decide not to light them…”because eventually they’ll burn down and then I won’t have any more candles.”
 
This type of thinking can be an ally in times to preserve and save. But what it has turned into is deprivation. I do not need to deprive myself of eating a banana. We can always go to the store and get more. I do not need to deprive myself of the beauty of a lit candle. I can buy more candles when that time comes.
 
My conundrum also sheds light on a dilemma, investment versus consumerism. How can we be more conscious of both sides of this dilemma? In my situation, as I shed light, I’m not just consuming a banana, I’m investing in my health. I’m not just buying/consuming candles, I’m enjoying their beauty, sharing it with others and creating a cozy atmosphere. Another way to put it is that I am nourishing and investing in myself, rather than being over indulgent in consumerism.
 
I have begun challenging that voice when it arises. I look at the bananas and if I want to eat one, I do. Sometimes I get half-way through it, and feel again like I should save the other half for later so I don’t run out. I breathe and welcome that voice inside for its wisdom, and then honor my need and nourishment by finishing the banana. And yes, I light the candle and enjoy its beauty as well. It’s all so simple and yet it requires repetition and practice on my part.
 
For those who fall on the other side of this dilemma and over indulge, the root is the same—nourishment. Whether we are starving and depriving our self, or we are over-indulging and  over-consuming, in both cases what is lacking is nourishment. We must continue to compassionately, with self-love, look at the ways we can nourish and wholly invest in ourselves and our well-being. In small doable steps we can create change, and shift from deprivation to nourishment.
 
I write this to you now as Valentine’s Day soon approaches. May we all find ways to truly nourish our hearts with self-awareness, love and light. Many blessings!

~Written by Janet Wepner
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Painting by Janet Wepner